The Pains of a Wounded Warrior

Funny ain't it... Life just has a funny sense of humor... In my previous post I seem like I know everything there is about the mundane existence of the Universe but in this post I'll be talking about the exact opposite...I know nothing at all...and on top of that I am not the happiest person in the world...
Life has its perils and nuances of mediocrity.. at times the feeling of living seems difficult and death seems to be the easier decision to cope with life's troubles. Oh the irony of that statement.  Now I have no desire to speak of suicide or killing myself but a true introspective person would understand that the pain we carry throughout our lives can be very intense and debilitating to our fragile psyche.
I feel vulnerable..weak and timid.  I thought I would never see the day where I would say those words and let alone have them describe my current state of being.  But I must say I feel like a worn out punching bag and life is Muhammad Ali running on high testosterone.  I just need a break man... Life can you hear me?  I'm doing the best I can and I'm just a human.  I've been let down by so many people that I have trust issues now.  I was never a cynic but now I get those thoughts before I have to make the extra effort to minimize them.  I feel more comfortable around troubled, broken souls than I ever did before. Maybe its a transformation, maybe its my metamorphosis into becoming the complicated soul I always knew I was.
Is it no coincidence that I have such a huge affinity with James Dean? Many see him as the transcendental rebel archetype but I see him as the troubled little boy who's innocence was taken away by the world.  When I look at myself I see the look of a troubled young man who can't see the face of the innocent child anymore.  I feel like I'm losing a part of myself which is so dear to me.  I feel like the betrayal, the backstabbing and the gossiping has taken away my naivete to believe in the good in people.  
I just don't know who I am anymore... I see the name, I see the face and I hear my voice but It's like it's all completely alien to me.

I hope I can find myself...

Reconnecting with our Higher Selves

Life has proven to me time and time again that miracles do happen! Our greatest moments of turmoil can verily become our silver lining moments which can impart so much wisdom and blessings upon us.  I have become the happiest I can be and I plan to become a happier person.  When I say happy I mean to be able to live to the fullest through experiencing the most of what I achieve to learn in this life.
I have started to practice the art of mindfulness which is to be living fully in the present moment and not to be slowed down by thoughts of the past nor worrying about the future.  To be able to live fully in the present moment is where we can make the biggest miracles happen!
My previous post was a cry for help to the Universe... It's amazing to see that its been over a year now and my life has changed so much. I've gone back to school in JFK University where I am pursuing my dreams of becoming a holistic therapist.  My life has taken such a drastic turn from working at an IT company (which I dreaded!) to going back to the student life.  I love it!!!
My greatest lesson to impart onto the coming generation in regards to our lives is to follow your passion, hear those inner voices which we call intuition and do what makes you happy.  Life is too short to deprive yourself of doing things in the world which are redundant, boring and non-engaging.
Once I started listening to that intuitive voice in my head which some may refer to as spirit guides my life path became clear.  Everything I once imagined to be difficult became easy.  Doors unexpectedly started opening up for me and I started doing things which were both fruitful for my soul and my physical health.
I began to gauge my interest in essential oils (aromatherapy), fung shui practices (salt lamp in my room, light blue color painted in my wall, crystals, positive images in my room) and buying such mystical items as sage, Tibetan crystal bowls.  After I started to 'just do it' instead of pondering....and pondering everything started to become serendipitous for me.  I began to attract meeting wondering, authentic people because I began to acknowledge my true, authentic self.  As I began to listen to those voices in my head my actions began to attract the very things I was looking for in the universe.
My wonderment of travel became crystallized as I started to go everywhere from beaches, forests, mountains to any place which seemed magical to me.  My life started becoming magical.  It's funny how everything can become so amazing once we start doing things which we love.

"Do what makes you happy so others can benefit from your happiness...the World needs this contagious condition"
-Shayan