Wednesday, March 12, 2014

The Pains of a Wounded Warrior






Funny ain't it... Life just has a funny sense of humor... In my previous post I seem like I know everything there is about the mundane existence of the Universe but in this post I'll be talking about the exact opposite...I know nothing at all...and on top of that I am not the happiest person in the world...
Life has its perils and nuances of mediocrity.. at times the feeling of living seems difficult and death seems to be the easier decision to cope with life's troubles. Oh the irony of that statement.  Now I have no desire to speak of suicide or killing myself but a true introspective person would understand that the pain we carry throughout our lives can be very intense and debilitating to our fragile psyche.
I feel vulnerable..weak and timid.  I thought I would never see the day where I would say those words and let alone have them describe my current state of being.  But I must say I feel like a worn out punching bag and life is Muhammad Ali running on high testosterone.  I just need a break man... Life can you hear me?  I'm doing the best I can and I'm just a human.  I've been let down by so many people that I have trust issues now.  I was never a cynic but now I get those thoughts before I have to make the extra effort to minimize them.  I feel more comfortable around troubled, broken souls than I ever did before.  Maybe its a transformation, maybe its my metamorphosis into becoming the complicated soul I always knew I was.
Is it no coincidence that I have such a huge affinity with James Dean? Many see him as the transcendental rebel archetype but I see him as the troubled little boy who's innocence was taken away by the world.  When I look at myself I see the look of a troubled young man who can't see the face of the innocent child anymore.  I feel like I'm losing a part of myself which is so dear to me.  I feel like the betrayal, the backstabbing and the gossiping has taken away my naivete to believe in the good in people.  
I just don't know who I am anymore... I see the name, I see the face and I hear my voice but It's like it's all completely alien to me.

I hope I can find myself...

No comments:

Post a Comment